i often wish things were different - i wish i had this to eat at this moment, i wish i wasn’t stuck in traffic, i wish i slept a little bit earlier the night before, i wish i could poo more often… this list goes on.
and then other times, i wouldn’t change a thing and know that i am exactly where i am supposed to be.
at the moment, i’m feeling the latter and i’m thankful.
prayer life. i need to finish what i start!
i’m in fredonia and am enjoying getting away from life to practice and immerse myself in music - learning it, practicing it, rehearsing it, getting coachings on it, hearing it through the walls, watching it in concerts… because that’s sort of the whole point in getting so many degrees. i just got so caught up in paying the bills that i sort of lost sight of the whole point. but i am remembering and enjoying it again and it’s been nice. it’s stupid but practicing so much and being around people who practice so much makes me want to tackle those ridiculously difficult pieces that i’ve been dying to play for my coming recitals because i know that i can do it if i put in enough hours…
got word today that dad got a job selling hyundais in gardena. no pay. only on commission. and will be out of a job in 2 months if he doesn’t sell a car.
part of me is happy for him to start working because it seems he is really trying to change. i heard it in his voice last week when i talked to him… his voice was earnest… nothing in it was trying to hide and nothing in it was prideful and nothing in it was pent up frustration. he earnestly told me that he will continue sending in applications.
but the other part of me is scared for him. why does he have to sell things? and at such a high risk and with no income? it sort of feels like amway disguised as cars… but i won’t let these negative thoughts get in the way. he could sell cars. and he could be great at it.
and so this is a request to all of my friends… if you know anyone who needs a car please tell them to go to gardena’s hyundai and buy a car from my dad. his name is John Lee. thanks.
to go to new york.
had lunch with my friend who just graduated with her DMA two months ago.
i told her my work load and what it was for.
she had played some of the pieces and was scared for me.
and told me i should pretty much practice 24 hours a day until i have to leave.
because she said these people don’t care how late they gave me the rep.
that they expect it perfect on day one.
cus she’s done things like this before.
sleep deprivation. here i come!
here’s to hoping that i can get all 200 pages at tempo in one week exactly.